Redemption: A Short Story

Early morning light peeks past the window blind.  Silence fills the room like a blanket except for the furious scratch of the pen across the page of her journal. Tears run down her face. She reaches for a tissue, wipes her face and blows her nose, throwing it onto the growing pile in the waste basket. Her anguish is a palpable thing, spreading out from her in waves as she pours her heart out onto the page. She writes:

O, Father, help me to see myself and others through Your eyes. Who am I? What am I? Why am I here? I 'think' I know the broad answers to those questions, but that doesn't go deep enough for me, Abba. Is all of this 'stuff' I feel I need to do really useful? Or am I just wasting my time and trying to move ahead of You in my eagerness, or maybe my ignorance?

My brain is running at high speed most of the time. Others note it. Some think I'm just 'weird' or 'crazy'. Is that true, Father? Am I just stuck in an emotional speed trap, only occasionally being able to momentarily drop out of it?

Help me, please! Is all of this just an offshoot of my 'fleshly nature' that needs to be changed up? Is my life just made up of 'busy work' that I give myself to do? Am I really that useless and odd? I know I am often that self-centered and have been most of my life. I've always felt the odd duck out. Am I just a hampster spinning happily along on my little wheel? God forbid!

Maybe, it's not so happily. Is all of this making me 'dangerous' and/or toxic in what few relationships I do have? Is all this self-examination stuff not really useful to myself or others? There are those who would say it is in fact unhealthy. Really? Am I on the right or wrong path in all of this?

I don't have answers to those questions. Or maybe, I'm merely unable, or unwilling, to see the truth? Is all of my busyness just an attempt to deal with my lack of social interaction; a trying to avoid the pain of that lack?

I certainly don't lack for questions, but are they the 'right' questions?

Am I going through a pruning process? ......That feels like the 'right' question. Pruning is always a painful process, and the further back one is being pruned, the greater the pain and the confusion. As every good gardner knows, the process of pruning on a regular basis is necessary,  enabling the plant to grow and produce greater fruit in its season. Pruning equates with discipline.

Suddenly, the atmosphere of the room changes. Peace settles in. Assurance of the Father's love flows gently in like salve being applied to a wound. Pruning and discipline both flow out of the Father's love.

Thank You, Father. 

She weeps, but this time in gratitude at Father's loving mercy and grace. She is comforted. All is well.