Slow Down Challenge Day 3 - Focus

I am a happy camper. It turns out that my being a lousy multi-tasker is really a good thing!! Whoo hooo!

Today's Slow Down Challenge has to do with focus. I have always had an ability to focus. In fact I have been nagged and ragged on for that ability since I was quite young. Being organized enough to keep track of several things going on at once is not the same thing as being a multi-tasker.

A multi-tasker has divided focus and attention on more than one thing at a time. I've always hated the whole concept of multi-tasking because I know for myself that when my attention is divided, I generally remember nothing about anything, and that frustrates me beyond belief. I get irritable and grouchy because it makes me feel stupid. I am not stupid, although I have done some stupid things in my life as have we all. It irritates me when others say they can multi-task when I'm talking to them or wanting their full attention because I know that I am unable to multi-task, therefore, so is everyone else. (Smile) The truth is we all think like that. We figure because we know something, everyone else does, too. Un-uh. Nope. Nada. No way. Not even. Etc. Etc. But, scientifically speaking, the truth is our brain can actually focus on only one thing at a time, which is not the same thing as being able to do more than one thing at a time.

I also think flexibility, or lack thereof, can often be an issue when one's attention is divided, which has certainly proven to be a truism in my life. Some would say I tend to have a one-track mind—a dog with a bone sort of thing—and they would be correct, but being focused on a single thing doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not flexible. It merely means that I am not giving any of my attention to my surroundings except as it relates to whatever project I am currently working on. 

For those of you who are interested, here's a hint when dealing with me: if my tongue is out, I'm deep in the middle of something and concentrating hard. Go away and leave me alone. Or, if you need to tell me something really important to you, make sure you first get my attention before telling me whatever it is you want me to know. This does not mean just achieving eye contact with me. I am perfectly capable of looking straight at you with a questioning look on my face while saying 'yeah?' and not even remember seeing you to start with. At the very least you will have to repeat yourself multiple times before I actually wrap my brain around the fact that you are talking to me and it's important that I listen.

And please don't take this personally. I do it to myself as well. For instance, I will have to go to the restroom. I recognize that physical need, but I will put it off because I don't want to interrupt the flow of whatever I'm working on until it becomes so pressing that I am in danger of embarrassing myself. I repeatedly ask myself, "why did you wait so long?" while trying to figure out when I first felt the need. And I can't remember. Seriously. I'm focused and I will ignore my own physical needs in order to finish what I'm working on. This also can extend to answering the phone, dealing with unexpected company, remembering an appointment, or taking the dog out to do her business, etc. Just saying... :-)

When I am focused, I'm focused. It doesn't matter whether it's my art, writing, researching techniques on the internet, grocery shopping or whatever. I am an all-or-nothing kind of girl. That's focus.

I wonder how often people have been called derogatory names when all that was really happening was that a person was entirely focused on something that others couldn't see or else didn't see and/or thought was unimportant. A lot more often than most of us would think, I'm sure.

So really, the issue becomes one of "importance". What I think is important at any given moment is not necessarily going to match up with someone else's idea of what is important. And this is where so many problems begin in relationships of any kind. I can attribute every argument between my husband and I to disagreeing as to the importance of some issue or aspect of an issue. I find that often what I think to be important is not necessarily what he considers to be of importance and vice versa. When we have disagreements, I have to constantly monitor my own understanding/beliefs of what is important in life and what can sit on the back burner for a while, or even indefinitely. Looking back I can see how this was also the case when dealing with my children when they were younger, or with family and friends over the years.

For me it all ties in to focus plus beliefs. It is important to remember that all things are relative, even our beliefs. Beliefs are directly related to our experiences. Our experiences are directly related to our focus/attention, etc.

So, the next time someone disses me for my lack of attention/focus, I will remember this issue of importance, examine the relationship between what I consider to be important versus what others consider to be important, refuse to step into any sudden emotional hurricanes that would cloud the issue, and be more tolerant, kind and forgiving of others interruptions, attitudes, words and actions.

I'm actually loving this Slow Down Challenge. I'm learning lots and I love most things that make me exercise my brain right now.

Slow Down and Savour the Moment

Savour: to relish or enjoy [from Old French savour, 

from Latin sapor taste, from sapere to taste]

The word of the day is 'savour'. In retrospect I have done very little savouring over the span of my life, excepting over the last couple of years, during which time I have been learning how to savour my life. I think I'm getting much better at it.

For instance, I am savouring the time spent with my son and his family who are visiting me for a couple of days. Life is so much different when you savour it. To savour one must take the time to really taste that thing, to really see what you are looking at, truly experiencing it instead of being to busy to take the time. You do not have to like everything you taste in order to experience it. I think we forget that, or maybe don't realize it to begin with. In truth taking the time to give your full attention to the moment is really 'loving' in its truest sense.

 I'm learning to savour time spent on my art, time with my husband, my children and grandchildren, time spent cleaning my house or playing with the dog, even time spent in the shower or giving myself a pedicure.  Once I grasped hold of the word I began to apply it to everything I do.

Savouring the moment helps me to 'be here now'—to remember to experience and enjoy fully whatever it is I may be doing at this moment in time. To live life now. It seems I have to constantly remind myself to come back to the present moment and give my undivided attention to it, while also remembering that this is a process, and growth requires time to happen. That is okay.

My hope is that eventually I will find that I have formed a habit of being aware and in the moment. I will have intentionally retrained my thinking to savour each moment of life. What a gift to give myself and others!

The Slow Down Challenge Day 1

I took up Jeff Goin's five day challenge to slow down. Actually, this is more like practice for me since I've been working on what I call 'be here now' for the last year and a half. I tend to be more of a "get to it and git 'er done" kind of person. I've felt like I'm missing out on so much by continuing to be that way.

The truth is my husband is very good at living in the moment. When I finally figured that out, it helped erase a source of irritation in our relationship, making life more enjoyable for both of us. I have my son and his family coming tomorrow which makes starting a slow-down challenge a bit strange, but the truth is I want to slow down and enjoy these next few days with my grandchildren. I hope that having to be aware in this way will help me to do that more successfully. I've spent several days getting everything ready so now I can just be here with them and have some fun. I have planned for this to be a relaxed time since it will be a short visit and one of those days they will be going to a theme park for the day.

We'll see how it goes.

Bullfights and Forks

 According to Dr. Susan Weinschenk's The Brain Lady Newsletter, at the latest Consumer Electronics show there was recently introduced a device called the HAPI fork (pronounced 'happy'). This fork vibrates when you eat too fast and has an app that keeps track of your eating habits, allowing you to become aware of what you are doing so you can then modify your behavior accordingly.

Excuse me! Truth is I can see how it could be a behavior modification tool, but, really, my first response to this 'fork' was more of the 'you've got to be kidding' variety. Are we so dysfunctional that we need to make an electronic fork that tells us how fast or slow to eat? Does anyone else think there's something wrong with this picture?

Life is changing so rapidly and not necessarily for the better. Part of me just wants to go hide out in the backwoods somewhere and get back to a life of simplicity. Or at least move in that direction. Simplify! Simplify! Simplify! That is my heart's cry. I want out of the rat race. I don't like where it seems to be heading and I don't know what, if anything, I can do about it. Which for me brings me back to the question of what's the purpose and meaning in life? Specifically, what's my purpose and meaning in life?

There are those who would have you believe that there is no purpose or meaning to life, that we just happened to evolve out of nothingness. Sorry, but I don't have enough faith to believe something that seems so preposterous. Life and the universe cannot possibly be a result of random chance. That's actually the easiest part to figure out about all of this. After that things seem to get extremely complicated, or should I say complex. It's all about one's chosen point of view.

If life is viewed as an unsolvable series of complications, it's easy to slip into a victim mentality. Been there, done that as the saying goes. This point of view tends to keep you mired in apathy and disappointment, or, it makes you like a bull in a bull fight, constantly getting ran through with swords until the pain drives you crazy, raging mad and you try to kill everything in sight. Not a pleasant place to be. Nor productive, for yourself or others.

But, if life is viewed as a thing of beautiful complexity, it's possible to see the wonder and feel the excitement of discovery, down which path there is enthusiasm, passion, and a zest for living that keeps you focused and moving forward, growing. Somewhere along that path you learn to let go of the concept of purpose except as it is defined by "being". "I AM" God told Moses. It is difficult for us mere mortals to "be", to understand that 'being' IS the purpose.

I wonder if Adam and Eve worried about their purpose? Somehow I doubt that.

Asking the Right Questions

I truly believe that one of the most important keys in life is learning to ask the right questions. When I run across one of those 'questions' somewhere, they are like a solid brick wall stopping me abruptly in my path. I had one of those experiences today on Facebook.

A picture posted by Sketches in Stillness posed the following question:

Do you consider yourself a problem to be fixed...Or can you allow yourself to be exactly as you are right now, in peace, without believing in your stressful thoughts?

This was one of those "seeing what you really believe about yourself" moments for me. I realized that is exactly how I see myself and this belief directs a large portion of my life.

So then, the question for me becomes where's the balance between recognizing that you need improvement in some area and pursuing that purposefully and diligently, and, pushing yourself to change to the point that the stress you cause yourself becomes harmful to you physically, mentally, and emotionally?

And how does that affect what you believe others think of you or how they 'see' you, thereby causing you to act in ways that may not be good for you or anyone else? In other words, if anyone sees theirself as broken and needing to be fixed, they usually automatically assume that others see them the same way. We tend to think that others think the same way we do, although experience often proves that assumption to be false. That's just one of those traits that all of humanity shares.

How far do I believe that I differ from 'normal' or 'average'? And where am I getting my definition of those terms?

Most of us don't really know what we believe deep down inside and would be hard-pressed to define those beliefs if we had to. More often than not, our actions don't line up with what we say we believe, for if they did, we wouldn't struggle so within ourselves. It wouldn't be so hard to change habits, most of which we don't even recognize as habits in the first place. Usually we just think 'that's the way I've always done it,' or 'that's the way I was taught', or that's how my parents did it.' Or we fool ourselves into thinking we do things the way we do because that's just what we want to do.

It's too much work, and often too fearful or painful, to face the person within. We're afraid we won't like the person within, and most times that really is the truth. Truly not liking yourself, or hating yourself, is the ultimate rejection, a very scary place to be.

I have knowingly been close enough to that place to know I don't want to go there again, which brings me back to the original question of whether I see myself as a problem to be fixed. Maybe the emotional impact of that experience is what has made that question so real to me. And that is not necessarily a negative thing.

Obviously, the answers to these questions will be unique for each person as we are all individuals with different experiences, etc. But I wonder how many others are so affected by this question? I'm sure I'll never know but that doesn't stop me from wondering. It's the philosophical part of my nature I think.

What is a question that has truly impacted your life? I would love to hear from you.