I was working on something this morning and took a short break to go out and have a smoke. (I had quit and recently picked it back up so now I have to start all over. grrrrr) As I was apparently mindlessly sitting there, I suddenly realized I was singing a tune in my head. It took singing it out loud about three times before I caught on to what I was actually singing and to what tune. I was trying to remember the real phrase that went with the tune in my head from the song
"Enjoy Yourself". (I had to look it up first. Turns out the only thing I remembered accurately was the tune. The song actually
is about suicide.) Instead of the correct wording 'Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think," I was singing: destroy yourself, destroy yourself, destroy yourself with me".
I was somewhat aghast at what I heard coming so nonchalantly and unthinkingly out of my mouth. Nothing happens by accident, so I started asking myself 'why'? I'm struggling with the whole smoking thing, totally disgusted with myself. I believe that was what was behind the little ditty I was singing. With recognition of that, the ideas for some pieces of art came streaming through my mind. I had to run inside to the computer and get to work. I wanted to make something to stick up on my wall to remind me why I want to quit smoking. I eventually came up with at least three decent designs out of it that I thought were also appropriate for this time of year. The content is pretty raw but that happens to be how I've been feeling. Raw art is almost always what I'm drawn to and what I hang on my walls to constantly look at. My artwork is usually an expression of some inner battle I'm fighting, a commentary I need to listen to and remember, and, therefore, I 'label' myself as an expressionist.
Art is great therapy. In fact I can look over the artwork I have done over the past three to four years especially, and see where I was then, where I am now, how much I've changed, how I changed, and where I'm heading. That's a lot to get from somewhat haphazardly throwing stuff on to a page I think. While I can draw fairly well, I find it takes too long, so I tend to go for things like collage and mixed media which I can throw together more quickly. Once the piece is 'done', or at least acceptably balanced to me, I can go back and disect what I'm saying or trying to say to myself. So far that process has been working well for me.
The amazing thing is that I can look back on different pieces years later and get something entirely new out of it that my subconscious apparently knew at the time, but my conscious self certainly didn't. As I grow in knowledge, experience and understanding in various areas of my life, my interpretations of previous works seem to take on greater depth. I love this about art. And its why I often encourage others to start an art journal. It's not about making 'perfect' art. It's about putting down your feelings on paper as a record of your life at that time. You can learn amazing things about yourself through this kind of process. It's works for journal writing, too. And you don't have to show any of it to anyone you don't want to.
It taught me to trust myself in ways beyond my understanding at that time. This is extremely important in a culture that runs mostly in the shallows of life, doing everything it can to help us avoid thinking too much, or feeling too much. Humanity as a whole seems to prefer running and hiding from anything painful or distasteful to them by running after the impossible dreams dangled in front of our faces by media/advertising, etc. I believe that accounts for a large portion of the 'need' for psychiatrists/psychologists/life coaches, etc., and for medication for a host of psychological issues that never used to even exist but now have labels. I digress. I'll save that for another post.
I think that these digital memes will be the base for a poster size mixed media collage for my wall.
I hope that you find this art thought provoking and worthy as a conversation starter. Thoughtful and kindly written constructive criticism or differing opinions are always welcome in the comments below. Until next time....
