Today's Slow Down Challenge has to do with focus. I have always had an ability to focus. In fact I have been nagged and ragged on for that ability since I was quite young. Being organized enough to keep track of several things going on at once is not the same thing as being a multi-tasker.
A multi-tasker has divided focus and attention on more than one thing at a time. I've always hated the whole concept of multi-tasking because I know for myself that when my attention is divided, I generally remember nothing about anything, and that frustrates me beyond belief. I get irritable and grouchy because it makes me feel stupid. I am not stupid, although I have done some stupid things in my life as have we all. It irritates me when others say they can multi-task when I'm talking to them or wanting their full attention because I know that I am unable to multi-task, therefore, so is everyone else. (Smile) The truth is we all think like that. We figure because we know something, everyone else does, too. Un-uh. Nope. Nada. No way. Not even. Etc. Etc. But, scientifically speaking, the truth is our brain can actually focus on only one thing at a time, which is not the same thing as being able to do more than one thing at a time.
I also think flexibility, or lack thereof, can often be an issue when one's attention is divided, which has certainly proven to be a truism in my life. Some would say I tend to have a one-track mind—a dog with a bone sort of thing—and they would be correct, but being focused on a single thing doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not flexible. It merely means that I am not giving any of my attention to my surroundings except as it relates to whatever project I am currently working on.
For those of you who are interested, here's a hint when dealing with me: if my tongue is out, I'm deep in the middle of something and concentrating hard. Go away and leave me alone. Or, if you need to tell me something really important to you, make sure you first get my attention before telling me whatever it is you want me to know. This does not mean just achieving eye contact with me. I am perfectly capable of looking straight at you with a questioning look on my face while saying 'yeah?' and not even remember seeing you to start with. At the very least you will have to repeat yourself multiple times before I actually wrap my brain around the fact that you are talking to me and it's important that I listen.
And please don't take this personally. I do it to myself as well. For instance, I will have to go to the restroom. I recognize that physical need, but I will put it off because I don't want to interrupt the flow of whatever I'm working on until it becomes so pressing that I am in danger of embarrassing myself. I repeatedly ask myself, "why did you wait so long?" while trying to figure out when I first felt the need. And I can't remember. Seriously. I'm focused and I will ignore my own physical needs in order to finish what I'm working on. This also can extend to answering the phone, dealing with unexpected company, remembering an appointment, or taking the dog out to do her business, etc. Just saying... :-)
When I am focused, I'm focused. It doesn't matter whether it's my art, writing, researching techniques on the internet, grocery shopping or whatever. I am an all-or-nothing kind of girl. That's focus.
I wonder how often people have been called derogatory names when all that was really happening was that a person was entirely focused on something that others couldn't see or else didn't see and/or thought was unimportant. A lot more often than most of us would think, I'm sure.
So really, the issue becomes one of "importance". What I think is important at any given moment is not necessarily going to match up with someone else's idea of what is important. And this is where so many problems begin in relationships of any kind. I can attribute every argument between my husband and I to disagreeing as to the importance of some issue or aspect of an issue. I find that often what I think to be important is not necessarily what he considers to be of importance and vice versa. When we have disagreements, I have to constantly monitor my own understanding/beliefs of what is important in life and what can sit on the back burner for a while, or even indefinitely. Looking back I can see how this was also the case when dealing with my children when they were younger, or with family and friends over the years.
For me it all ties in to focus plus beliefs. It is important to remember that all things are relative, even our beliefs. Beliefs are directly related to our experiences. Our experiences are directly related to our focus/attention, etc.
So, the next time someone disses me for my lack of attention/focus, I will remember this issue of importance, examine the relationship between what I consider to be important versus what others consider to be important, refuse to step into any sudden emotional hurricanes that would cloud the issue, and be more tolerant, kind and forgiving of others interruptions, attitudes, words and actions.
I'm actually loving this Slow Down Challenge. I'm learning lots and I love most things that make me exercise my brain right now.
