Raw Art - Portrait of Reality?

I was working on something this morning and took a short break to go out and have a smoke. (I had quit and recently picked it back up so now I have to start all over. grrrrr) As I was apparently mindlessly sitting there, I suddenly realized I was singing a tune in my head. It took singing it out loud about three times before I caught on to what I was actually singing and to what tune. I was trying to remember the real phrase that went with the tune in my head from the song "Enjoy Yourself". (I  had to look it up first. Turns out the only thing I remembered accurately was the tune. The song actually is about suicide.) Instead of the correct wording 'Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think," I was singing: destroy yourself, destroy yourself, destroy yourself with me".

I was somewhat aghast at what I heard coming so nonchalantly and unthinkingly out of my mouth. Nothing happens by accident, so I started asking myself 'why'? I'm struggling with the whole smoking thing, totally disgusted with myself. I believe that was what was behind the little ditty I was singing. With recognition of that, the ideas for some pieces of art came streaming through my mind. I had to run inside to the computer and get to work. I wanted to make something to stick up on my wall to remind me why I want to quit smoking. I eventually came up with at least three decent designs out of it that I thought were also appropriate for this time of year. The content is pretty raw but that happens to be how I've been feeling. Raw art is almost always what I'm drawn to and what I hang on my walls to constantly look at. My artwork is usually an expression of some inner battle I'm fighting, a commentary I need to listen to and remember, and, therefore, I 'label' myself as an expressionist.

Art is great therapy. In fact I can look over the artwork I have done over the past three to four years especially, and see where I was then, where I am now, how much I've changed, how I changed, and where I'm heading.  That's a lot to get from somewhat haphazardly throwing stuff on to a page I think. While I can draw fairly well, I find it takes too long, so I tend to go for things like collage and mixed media which I can throw together more quickly. Once the piece is 'done', or at least acceptably balanced to me, I can go back and disect what I'm saying or trying to say to myself. So far that process has been working well for me.

The amazing thing is that I can look back on different pieces years later and get something entirely new out of it that my subconscious apparently knew at the time, but my conscious self certainly didn't. As I grow in knowledge, experience and understanding in various areas of my life, my interpretations of previous works seem to take on greater depth. I love this about art. And its why I often encourage others to start an art journal. It's not about making 'perfect' art. It's about putting down your feelings on paper as a record of your life at that time. You can learn amazing things about yourself through this kind of process. It's works for journal writing, too. And you don't have to show any of it to anyone you don't want to.

It taught me to trust myself in ways beyond my understanding at that time. This is extremely important in a culture that runs mostly in the shallows of life, doing everything it can to help us avoid thinking too much, or feeling too much. Humanity as a whole seems to prefer running and hiding from anything painful or distasteful to them by running after the impossible dreams dangled in front of our faces by media/advertising, etc. I believe that accounts for a large portion of the 'need' for psychiatrists/psychologists/life coaches, etc., and for medication for a host of psychological issues that never used to even exist but now have labels. I digress. I'll save that for another post.

I think that these digital memes will be the base for a poster size mixed media collage for my wall.

I hope that you find this art thought provoking and worthy as a conversation starter. Thoughtful and kindly written constructive criticism or differing opinions are always welcome in the comments below. Until next time....

My Ugly Little Secret Exposed By an Ad in an Outdated Magazine!

I drew this guy a number of years ago. Turns out
he is a personal archetype since his expression
fits a number of different emotions and I have
used him repeatedly in various artworks. He's taught
me a lot about myself and the human condition over
 the years. The original was a charcoal drawing
which I used in a mixed media collage.

I was at my eye doctor appointment. The assistant had just put those numbing eye drops in my eyes and I had 10 minutes to do something with, so I grabbed a three year old magazine to look through to occupy my waiting time. As I was thumbing through the pages I ran across an ad for what looked to be a reading app for e-readers. I don't remember the exact lead line except that it had to do with binge reading becoming the new thing. It made me laugh. And then, the light bulb flashed on in my mind!

I recognized that I am a binge reader and have been for many years. In fact, I am currently on a reading binge—just finished re-reading Clan of the Cave Bear and am halfway through The Valley of Horses, both by Jean M. Auel. I have known that I often read as a form of escapism, but when did it become bingeing?

Looking back over the years I recognized that I have had these reading binges scattered throughout my life. Escapism is something we all do from time to time and has some very positive connotations, however, when it becomes something that is difficult to control and interferes with taking care of normal everyday functions that we all need to carry out, then something is out of balance. On some level I had already recognized this imbalance that was exacerbated by depression from a long winter, but had not put the pieces of the puzzle together. Putting the label of 'bingeing' on my out-of-control reading habits suddenly catapulted me into a whole different perspective. I discovered that over the years I have taken occasional escapist reading and turned it into binge reading that feeds the procrastination I frequently fall into. Ouch!

The truth be told, I have been bingeing in different areas all through my life, not recognizing that bingeing applies to so much more than just food. I binge when doing art or writing, sometimes when consuming alcohol or smoking cigarettes, when dieting or exercising, and even when cleaning or rearranging the house. OMG! Who knew?! Where does escapism or even passion and enthusiam for something turn into bingeing? Yikes!

Is spring cleaning a form of bingeing? Is gardening? Or lawn manicuring? Or any other hobby? Can you binge on religion, family, work, pleasure? And what about thinking? Is it possible to binge think? Is that what "overthinking" is? Can abstinence also become a binge thing? When and how did all of this bingeing take over my life? How did I get so out of control? And just as important, what do I now do with this unwanted information?

I like reading and art and writing and spring cleaning. I study everything from anthropology to applied psychology and neuro-psychology to cell biology (thanks to my tenth grade biology teacher, Mr. Wilson, by the way) to quantum physics. I'm interested in emotional intelligence, culture and sociology, suffering, and the cyclic nature of life along with all that escapist reading I do. That's only a partial interest list. I have a real 'liberal arts' mentality when it comes to learning, which is my true life's passion. I am so glad that anything and everything falls into the purview of the school of life. Curiosity and creativity are divine gifts no matter what area we apply them to.

Maybe the answer to all of this, if there is one, is finding and pursuing balance in all things, which I find is often easier said than done. It helps to remember that life is highly complex and, despite all our advanced knowledge, it is still a mystery, and don't we all love a good mystery? Life really is a journey made up of a plethora of processes, where balance is a fluid thing by nature and necessity, and there is a time and season for everything under the sun. It also helps to realize that life isn't all about the answers. As often as not, life is about the questions. Did you know that doing a search on questions at Amazon brings up 101 pages of books on the subject of questions? That's a lot of books! How in the world will I ever find the time?

Pendulums swing widely at first on their journey to balance, affected by outside influences, many over which we have little to no control. We are the pendulum in our lives always coming back to a state of equilibrium, at least that's my understanding of physics at its most basic level. Everything is energy which is neither created nor destroyed, merely changing form like water going from solid to liquid to gaseous depending upon outside circumstances.

In writing this article, I hope I have caused you to be aware of and spend some of your precious time exploring the mystery of bingeing, of how it does or doesn't apply to you. Maybe, having experienced it myself and sharing my current understanding with you, I can justify all that bingeing I've been doing over the years, putting a more positive spin on it, turning my negative into a positive. I believe that is called making the best of something, but it could just be rationalizing....

 Either way, it is all going to be okay in the end. I truly believe that.

Phew!! I really needed to hear that. Maybe you did, too.

Feel free to comment below.

Living the Creative Life

I was recently making a list of the benefits I have found in my own life concerning art and intentionally living a creative life on a day to day basis. The plan is to write a book illustrated with my own art to leave for my children and grandchildren in hopes that the things I have learned over the years will be made available to them and help them throughout their own lives. The list started out as a rationale to show others the benefits that the tools of art and creativity bring to the human condition. I was stunned with where this all went.

In this article I want to give an example of the scope that living the creative life can bring to anyone willing to pursue this path. The avenue that creativity takes in my life happens to be art, but creativity is part and parcel of life in general. The particular method of expression I use most is collage. Below is a picture I did 28 years ago. I titled it "The Cycle of Life."

The History

I was doing my student teaching to finish out my art education degree at the time. One of the projects I had for my class was to do marbling and then use that marbling as the beginning point for a collage. I did this picture as my example.

I did not have a theme for the collage. I just started putting images together that seemed to fit, that felt right to me at the time. In the end I saw that it seemed to depict the cycle of life, hence, the title. It is only now, twenty-eight years later, that I have come to see how I operated on my intuition in the execution of this work, and, in fact, all my art. I have intentionally been developing the skill of listening to my inner self, learning to trust the process and my subconscious, and using quotes, images, and colors that speak to me at the time. While the particular piece I am showcasing here does not include a written quote, my artwork always has a message usually intended for myself. It seems to speak to others as well. That others "get" my art is a side benefit and a lovely gift.

The Benefits

What is beneficial is a personal thing. What may be beneficial to some may not be beneficial to others. The really important thing in my mind is recognizing that very few things in life are absolute. That they are in fact subject to change (metamorphosis), which is a constant factor in growth of any kind, including what we think we know. The few things I chose to list here are what I have found to be basic foundational benefits to me at this point in my life and may be of possible benefit to others. These things are in a constant state of evolution in my own life. I do not expect others to think as I do. My hope in sharing is to inspire thoughtful consideration, not to make others see or understand what I think I see and understand. You are not me, nor am I you. Sharing a few things that have proven beneficial for me to know and understand is one way of doing what I can to serve others.

I have struggled for years with thinking that I need to do art that "sells"—that is, art that pleases others—while being plagued with an attitude of perfectionism. One of the many benefits for me of living the creative life is recognizing that perfectionism is a cruel taskmaster that chains you in the dungeon of "you're not good enough" and "you'll never be good enough, so why bother." An attitude of perfectionism sows self-doubt and lack of worthiness. One's worth and value have nothing to do with being perfect in word or deed. I have value because I exist. I am. That is sufficient.

For me, art is all about the message and sharing that in the most efficient way possible. It is my contribution to mankind. The wisdom expressed in each work is not 'new,' but merely my interpretation of priceless truths that I want to get deep down into my own soul. Self-discovery is the main aim I strive for. Being able to share it with others is a perk.

Discovering 'self' is a major benefit of art and creativity, out of which flows every other benefit. Consistent self-examination expressed through creative endeavors—that is living a creative life—helps me to understand and reshape my view of life, from the small, seemingly unimportant likes and dislikes I have, to contemplating the universe and a Creator who made it all. The human ability and desire to be creative and live a creative life gives purpose and meaning to existence.

Through the creative process I have learned that the purpose of life is about connectedness and relationships. The relationship with one's self determines how other relationships will be throughout life. In believing this, I place self-discovery at the top of my list of needs and priorities.

Everything overlaps. Lessons are learned in pieces and at progressive levels. Regularly looking back is necessary to understanding what you know, for gaining a broader perspective of your life in general, and seeing how far you have progressed up the spiral of learning and growing. I have found it impossible to love your neighbor if you don't love yourself. For me creativity has become a major tool and vehicle for the practical application of these truths to my life, helping me to come out of an often self-centered isolationist mentality.

This brings me to my current interpretative understanding of "The Cycle of Life," which will not necessarily be what others will get out of it. That's okay. I am using it here to showcase how the subconscious mind is constantly at work in the background and how we need to learn to recognize it and trust it. It fascinated me to discover that everything I think I understand about this picture was hidden in my subconscious mind years ago, waiting for me to gain the experience and understanding to be able to interpret the greater depths of the message through the images. In other words I knew all of this 28 years ago when I put the images together, but was unable to put any of it into words at a conscious level. The subconscious speaks through images. We interpret the images through the screens of our current conscious understanding. Thus, the importance of regularly looking back to find the hidden meaning in the images of our own artwork and creativity.

Images are the native language of the imagination. - Brent Eviston

 

The potential for healing that comes through creativity and self-discovery is powerful. Albert Schweitzer is quoted as saying that 'all healing is self-healing.' I have come to understand the truth of that statement. The gifts of creativity and art are tools available to everyone for self-discovery, healing, learning, and living life to its fullest. Accessing them requires letting go of perfectionism and regularly exercising courage to look inside and face one's self.

'The Cycle of Life' recently was hung in a local gallery. At the opening reception I was fascinated by other people's interpretations of my artwork. For this particular piece, in trying to understand the intended meaning, one woman wanted to know the biblical references I had in mind when I did the work. My answer: none. Even though the showing was only a couple of months ago, I, myself, could not have put into words at that time what is written here about the effects of the subconscious and intuition on my creative expression. Being able to explain this to her might have been of help in her desire to process and understand what she was seeing, enabling her to fit it into her own personal framework of understanding. That she spent so long studying the piece meant it was impacting her deeply on some level. That kind of impact and interest is extremely gratifying to me on several levels.
Much of what I've written here is fresh revelation for me, and a huge benefit of living creatively. I love that. So, after hearing other's comments and gaining some new personal experiences recently, below is what I personally have progressively come to see in the images, color, and placement within this picture 28 years after its creation.

The Interpretation

The title states the most obvious theme of this work, denoting birth on through to death. Most people seem to get that easily enough. However, making the effort to interpret art implies taking the time to really look at a piece, thinking about what the individual images, composition, and color meant to the artist, and what it might mean to the viewer. Examining one's own internal emotional reaction would seem to be the next obvious step. People are only drawn to art that evokes an emotional response of some sort. The more intense the emotional reaction generated, the more drawn we are like steel to a magnet. As an artist one of my desires is to evoke a strong emotional response that will lead the person into thinking more deeply about the meaning of the work, asking themselves why it resonates within them, and thus encouraging their own self-discovery process.

The woman on the left looks like she is in distress from the birthing. This can refer to actually giving physical birth, but also, birthing one's emotional and mental self. The child could also denote one's continued mortality in this world, the continuation of the generations. The mushroom above her denotes darkness. Some types of mushrooms grow in the dark. Darkness to me means ignorance, unknowing. Life is all about learning and growing, coming out of the darkness of not knowing, into the light of knowing and wisdom. The figure on top of the mushroom looks both young and old to me. Young could denote being watched over by peers, etc., while old could mean a spiritual being who is connected to us via the mushroom. We grow in the dark, so to speak, but there is someone taking an interest in our growth. We are not alone in the pain and suffering that so often accompanies the growth process.

The woman who appears to almost be drowning in a whirlpool is indicative of many of the hard things we go through during a lifetime, seeming barely able to keep our head above the water. The butterfly with a woman's face speaks of hope through metamorphosis during the growth process. Something to think about: the caterpillar builds its own chrysalis around itself to protect itself during the actual process of change. Given that I believe we are basically the sum total of the choices we make throughout all the experiences of our life, we, like the caterpillar, make our own chrysalis, our own vehicle for change, many times over during a lifetime.

Then there is the old one on his deathbed. The hands on the left and right seem to be turning the pages of life. The marbled pages speak of the blend of darkness and light and the chaos that we experience in the learning process. The moon sheds a certain amount of light over all. We are not in complete darkness. The moon also speaks of cycles and seasons. The old one on the deathbed seems to be reviewing important memories of his life, seeing the connections and relationships as the winter of his life is coming to a close. The green has the connotation of life and growth.

This is a shortened version. Any of these possible interpretations could be taken to whole other levels of understanding, but I'll leave that for those willing to go there.

I value your comments. Please feel free to comment below on what you see in this work or email me at susanfree@yahoo.com and put 'Re: creative living' in the subject line.

For the sake of pleasing my patient husband who is concerned with commerce, you can order prints, etc., of this and other works here.

The following quotes are by Albert Schweitzer.

As soon as a man does not take his existence for granted, but beholds it as something unfathomably mysterious, thought begins.

I have always held firmly to the thought that each one of us can do a little to bring some portion of misery to an end.

The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.

A man can do only what he can do. But if he does that each day he can sleep at night and do it again the next day.

We cannot possibly let ourselves get frozen into regarding everyone we do not know as an absolute stranger.

Impart as much as you can of your spiritual being to those who are on the road with you, and accept as something precious what comes back to you from them.