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Not Under The Law?

The Trans Tribulational Church

Raw Art - Portrait of Reality?

I was working on something this morning and took a short break to go out and have a smoke. (I had quit and recently picked it back up so now I have to start all over. grrrrr) As I was apparently mindlessly sitting there, I suddenly realized I was singing a tune in my head. It took singing it out loud about three times before I caught on to what I was actually singing and to what tune. I was trying to remember the real phrase that went with the tune in my head from the song "Enjoy Yourself". (I  had to look it up first. Turns out the only thing I remembered accurately was the tune. The song actually is about suicide.) Instead of the correct wording 'Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think," I was singing: destroy yourself, destroy yourself, destroy yourself with me".

I was somewhat aghast at what I heard coming so nonchalantly and unthinkingly out of my mouth. Nothing happens by accident, so I started asking myself 'why'? I'm struggling with the whole smoking thing, totally disgusted with myself. I believe that was what was behind the little ditty I was singing. With recognition of that, the ideas for some pieces of art came streaming through my mind. I had to run inside to the computer and get to work. I wanted to make something to stick up on my wall to remind me why I want to quit smoking. I eventually came up with at least three decent designs out of it that I thought were also appropriate for this time of year. The content is pretty raw but that happens to be how I've been feeling. Raw art is almost always what I'm drawn to and what I hang on my walls to constantly look at. My artwork is usually an expression of some inner battle I'm fighting, a commentary I need to listen to and remember, and, therefore, I 'label' myself as an expressionist.

Art is great therapy. In fact I can look over the artwork I have done over the past three to four years especially, and see where I was then, where I am now, how much I've changed, how I changed, and where I'm heading.  That's a lot to get from somewhat haphazardly throwing stuff on to a page I think. While I can draw fairly well, I find it takes too long, so I tend to go for things like collage and mixed media which I can throw together more quickly. Once the piece is 'done', or at least acceptably balanced to me, I can go back and disect what I'm saying or trying to say to myself. So far that process has been working well for me.

The amazing thing is that I can look back on different pieces years later and get something entirely new out of it that my subconscious apparently knew at the time, but my conscious self certainly didn't. As I grow in knowledge, experience and understanding in various areas of my life, my interpretations of previous works seem to take on greater depth. I love this about art. And its why I often encourage others to start an art journal. It's not about making 'perfect' art. It's about putting down your feelings on paper as a record of your life at that time. You can learn amazing things about yourself through this kind of process. It's works for journal writing, too. And you don't have to show any of it to anyone you don't want to.

It taught me to trust myself in ways beyond my understanding at that time. This is extremely important in a culture that runs mostly in the shallows of life, doing everything it can to help us avoid thinking too much, or feeling too much. Humanity as a whole seems to prefer running and hiding from anything painful or distasteful to them by running after the impossible dreams dangled in front of our faces by media/advertising, etc. I believe that accounts for a large portion of the 'need' for psychiatrists/psychologists/life coaches, etc., and for medication for a host of psychological issues that never used to even exist but now have labels. I digress. I'll save that for another post.

I think that these digital memes will be the base for a poster size mixed media collage for my wall.

I hope that you find this art thought provoking and worthy as a conversation starter. Thoughtful and kindly written constructive criticism or differing opinions are always welcome in the comments below. Until next time....

Redemption: A Short Story

Early morning light peeks past the window blind.  Silence fills the room like a blanket except for the furious scratch of the pen across the page of her journal. Tears run down her face. She reaches for a tissue, wipes her face and blows her nose, throwing it onto the growing pile in the waste basket. Her anguish is a palpable thing, spreading out from her in waves as she pours her heart out onto the page. She writes:

O, Father, help me to see myself and others through Your eyes. Who am I? What am I? Why am I here? I 'think' I know the broad answers to those questions, but that doesn't go deep enough for me, Abba. Is all of this 'stuff' I feel I need to do really useful? Or am I just wasting my time and trying to move ahead of You in my eagerness, or maybe my ignorance?

My brain is running at high speed most of the time. Others note it. Some think I'm just 'weird' or 'crazy'. Is that true, Father? Am I just stuck in an emotional speed trap, only occasionally being able to momentarily drop out of it?

Help me, please! Is all of this just an offshoot of my 'fleshly nature' that needs to be changed up? Is my life just made up of 'busy work' that I give myself to do? Am I really that useless and odd? I know I am often that self-centered and have been most of my life. I've always felt the odd duck out. Am I just a hampster spinning happily along on my little wheel? God forbid!

Maybe, it's not so happily. Is all of this making me 'dangerous' and/or toxic in what few relationships I do have? Is all this self-examination stuff not really useful to myself or others? There are those who would say it is in fact unhealthy. Really? Am I on the right or wrong path in all of this?

I don't have answers to those questions. Or maybe, I'm merely unable, or unwilling, to see the truth? Is all of my busyness just an attempt to deal with my lack of social interaction; a trying to avoid the pain of that lack?

I certainly don't lack for questions, but are they the 'right' questions?

Am I going through a pruning process? ......That feels like the 'right' question. Pruning is always a painful process, and the further back one is being pruned, the greater the pain and the confusion. As every good gardner knows, the process of pruning on a regular basis is necessary,  enabling the plant to grow and produce greater fruit in its season. Pruning equates with discipline.

Suddenly, the atmosphere of the room changes. Peace settles in. Assurance of the Father's love flows gently in like salve being applied to a wound. Pruning and discipline both flow out of the Father's love.

Thank You, Father. 

She weeps, but this time in gratitude at Father's loving mercy and grace. She is comforted. All is well.

Why write? Penmanship for the 21st Century | Jake Weidmann | TEDxMileHigh

Presenting Pretty Poison

Lessons can come from strange places. I attended a going away party recently for someone moving out of town. There was a lesson in all of that, one I have come to call Pretty Poison.

There was a beautiful cake at the party. It was so big, everyone was invited to take some home. Even though I am a diabetic and my husband and I have both decided to forego the sweets, I took some cake home. I proceeded to dish it up on a pretty plate for breakfast this morning and WHAM! I had to take a picture of it. I saw something in my mind's eye that became the graphic for today's blogpost.

And, yes, I ate some of the cake minus the frosting which I threw away, feeling convicted the whole time. This is obviously one of those areas I am struggling to bring into total submission to the Holy Spirit. Some days are better than others...grrrrr. In spite of that little struggle on my part, I did get the lesson combined with an intense punch-in-the-gut feeling, from which I am still smarting a bit.

I usually start my day doing a bible study using Bill Bullock, Sr.'s Torah portion studies. I was about half way through that when I decided to get myself some breakfast and the above incident happened. I've included an excerpt from that teaching below. It all just seemed to combine together with my little mini vision of pretty poison. Hopefully, you will see the connection as well.

And I quote:

"...As a people, at Sinai and beyond, the Creator of Heaven and Earth has drawn near to us. We are conceived and born into that nearness. As Moshe taught us in Deuteronomy 4, the nations are to marvel at this, saying:  What great nation is there that has God so near to it, as the Holy One our God is to us, for whatever reason we may call upon Him?  Deuteronomy 4:7.  The nearness of the Creator is a wonderful thing, of course – if, as, and to the extent we respond accordingly and appropriately. If, as, when, and to the extent we respond to the Bridegroom-King’s nearness by responding to Him in childlike wonder, with humility, gratitude, and graciousness, and lean into Him, sh’ma His Words of Life, and sh’mar His covenant, we get blessed marvelously by reason of His nearness.  He actually wraps cords of lovingkindness around us - and those cords warm and comfort us. They give us shalom rav [i.e. great peace and security].

 Ah Dear Reader, but when we willfully rebel against Him . . . .  When we  trample His Betrothal covenant [i.e. His wonderful Torah] under our feet . . . . When we choose to clothe ourselves in layer after layer of willful sin . . . . And when we refuse loving call after loving call to make t’shuvah . . .  .  Well, when we do things like that the very same nearness of the Holy One which blessed us so wonderfully before actually becomes a threat to us. The same cords of lovingkindness by which we were once so comforted suddenly – by reason of our straining against them - start to burn . . . and chaff . . . and bind. 

Does My Ring Hurt Your Finger?

I am by no means a country music aficionado. Occasionally on my many automobile trips in connection with my business, however, I will flip through the radio stations trying to find something to listen to in an attempt to keep myself awake.  In the rural areas of Arkansas and Texas one normally finds only stations playing country music.  On one such occasion, as I was driving in a late-night daze through the backwoods of Arkansas, the ‘seek’ button on my radio kept returning me to a tune in which a country singer poignantly was asking his wife, in his song, why she did not wear her wedding ring when she went out [to nightclubs?]. I do not remember the melody or any of the words.  I only heard part of the song.  All I really remember is the title. It was “Does My Ring Hurt Your Finger”.  That title pretty much describes, in my mind, what the Divine Bridegroom would ask us as we squirm and struggle against His cords of love – i.e. the Shabbat, the mo’edim, and the mitzvot and mishpatim of Torah.

 As we seek to increase the distance between our hearts and His, the cords of lovingkindness with which He bound us to Him in a lover’s embrace begin to chaff against our flesh.  The harder we pull against those cords, the more it hurts.  The longer we strain against those cords, the more likely we are to sustain permanent injury.  If one of us does not ‘give in’, we will die. And so, if we continually refuse to make t’shuvah [repent and return], in order to keep us from fatally injuring ourselves, the Holy One eventually looses the cords of lovingkindness - and lets us go.  It is tough love at its ultimate level.

Willful rebellion against and refusal to hear the voice of the Lord God Almighty carries with it results that we prefer to ignore because our flesh wants something different. In the case of the 'pretty poison' of 'cake love', I wanted, in fact craved, some sugar, which I know is not good for me, yet, the urge to eat it anyway was overwhelming. I saw in that the analogy, a parallel of Israel's (and our) urge to follow after the ways of the worldly, ungodly cultures and religions in which we live by moving away from the Holy One who truly loves us. All these ungodly attractions are just pretty poison. It is no different today than it was back in the days of the Old Testament times.

The only real difference nowadays is man's ability to get the false message out to the masses with an ease that is astonishing. The wrapping on the message appears to be different, but the contents haven't changed a bit. The question still remains:  what wrappings and trappings in today's world lures us into agreeing and joining with the ungodly in our time? What 'god' are we actually closer to? Where and in what ways are we being deceived? What lies have we swallowed so willingly? What lies do we now call truths and what truths do we now call lies? What happened to discernment? Where should we be looking for that discernment?

The answer to all of this hasn't seemed to have changed much either: right where our Bridegroom-King desires us to be, "nearer my YHVH to thee...".